To write or not to write...

To write, or not to write... isn't a question. That isn't even a list of options. Not writing? Not writing is not an option.

I've been a little overwhelmed lately. I'm working two jobs, taking a compressed physics course (which is basically like taking a regular physics course in 1/3 of the time) and a calculus course, and writing my new book (which I sort of love). If I had to pick one thing out of those three that I'd like to do all summer? Of course it would be writing. You all know that already.

But my mother doesn't. She should, but she doesn't. Today on the way home from grocery shopping (I got grapes, people! Grapes!), she told me I should "realize that the writing should take a backseat to school."

I did not handle this well.

It is hard to explain why I write. It is a bit like breathing. I was writing stories before I could spell my own last name, adding really bad illustrations and using reasoning like "she falloed the bird to the bad kastle cuz the bird was priddy." (Direct quote. I promise.). And no matter how sucky the stories were or how stereotypical everything I wrote was, I was determined to write it. I am still just as determined to write my stuff today.

My mother sees that determination and thinks I approach writing like I approach schoolwork.  Like a chore. Like a job. "You want to be published, you don't want to write," she often says. I think maybe I don't explain things well enough. I think the phrase "I have to write" has a negative feel to it for her.

But I do *have* to write. But not like I have to study or take a quiz, more like... how I have to eat or sleep. It is a different feel altogether and something I think only people who have experienced it understand.

I know this blog is not a personal diary of my relationship with my mother, though I talk about her a lot lately, but I wanted to come on here today and talk about this and ask if I was the only one who feels like this. Does anyone else have relatives or friends who think you dislike writing?

I ask them all this: do you really think the money is that good that I would do this in my only spare time?

Yes, I love to write. To anyone out there who thinks otherwise, I LOVE IT.

/end rant.